i don't want you to think i don't love you.

i don't want You to think i don't love You.

i know--

some days i forget about You.
i kid myself.
i push You out of my mind.

some days i put everything before You.
i reason it out--
You'll always be there.
You can wait.

some days i ignore You.
i let the noise drown out Your voice.

some days i see You, but go the other way.
i see You hungry,
or tired,
or lonely,
but focus on me instead.

some days i invite You in, then run away from You.
i flee from You,
i get distracted,
i hide.

some days i decide i know better, that i need to be in control.
i don't trust You,
or Your sovereignty,
or Your faithfulness.

some days i blatantly and knowingly disobey You.
i am weak,
broken,
fallen.


but i really do love You.
i can't ignore You.
i can't fight You.
i don't want to.

i'm giving up on that, Father.
i'm done trying to take matters into my own hands.

just take me into Yours.