apathy: sinning by sitting back

two nights ago i realized the gravity of sitting back--
of sitting back when god calls you to rise up.

i realized the danger of
i can fix this tomorrow.
it's okay right now.
maybe someone else'll stand up.

i realized the impact that doing nothing can have.
apathy is a dangerous thing. and what does sitting back say?

it says, to our brothers and sisters in christ,
hey, i might know better. you might know better, too.
we both know god's got plans. but i don't think living
a life that's pleasing to him is worth it for me or
for you right now...

it says, to our friends,
hey, i might know better.i might be blessed to
know the savior of the world, to know the cure
for death, but right now, i don't see the importance
of sharing that with you, of giving you a shot
at it...

it says, to the whole world,
listen, i know god. i know what he intends for us, and
this isn't it. but instead of letting our creator work
through me, i'm just going to relax--lie low for a while.
this fallen world is good enough for me right now...

and that's a whole lot to say without saying or doing anything.

in class last week, my professor asked how absurdist literature
affects its audience. i said that it caused me to notice the
things around me--
talking without saying anything
saying a million inaccurate things with our actions
sexual violence
alcoholism
addiction
poverty
disease
broken hearts--
not to be numb to them anymore,
not to be stuck in a constant state of,
there's better, but who cares?
it's not like i can do anything about it.
and i'd say that awareness--
that realization that we act like this is normal,
this is just how things are,
though that's clearly so wrong--
that's our first step out of apathy.

my professor challenged me though.
don't you think that is idealistic?
i told her that i don't
i don't think wanting a world where a girl can
go out on a weekend without fearing she'll be
raped is idealistic. i don't think wishing that it
wasn't viewed as "just how the world is
and that's that" is idealistic.
she made some sort of noise to acknowledge
she heard my response, but them moved on.

now i',m well aware that the world won't be free
from the grips of those things until jesus comes again,
but that doesn't make it idealistic to want
to see our friends, our halls, our classmates,
complete strangers get to live free from this grip now.

and that's a call to action for us.
a call to pray for god to open our eyes to
the world around us, to break our hearts
in the same way that his breaks for this world.
a call to pray for god to work through us,
filling us with willingness
and obedience to him.
a call for us to answer that
boldly and urgently.
a call for us to reflect in our actions that
deep in our hearts,
we have the spirit dwelling.
we have the key that unlocks the chains.

we get to spend each day living with the almighty,
overwhelmingly beautiful God who gives us freedom from it all.

and that's nothing to be apathetic about.

all i need.

i've had a mat kearney obsession lately.
once i found a song of his i liked, i looked for more
and realized i already knew a bunch of them, from pandora i assume.

i wasn't sure right away if he was a christian artist or not (he is),
if maybe i was just hearing his lyrics as being about god
because i want them to be about him. one song in particular--
the inspiration for my blog title--i think is really expository of
how love for god and love for someone you're close with
can be and should be intertwined, laced with each other,
in real, god-centered relationships.

i think it exposes something else really awesome
and huge and beautiful about god--his constant,
still, persistent voice is everywhere. even if Mat Kearney didn't intentionally
write about god in this song, even if he wasn't a christian, god still shines
full force right through it, the message of love still prevails.
it just blows my mind to see some of the mediums god chooses and uses
to reach his people. his persistence is what we need
and i know i still walk by his works all day long without realizing his
active hand in everything.

never mind the day dawning, becoming light from dark every morning,
never mind the babies being born today, and the lives being saved, and
god's people singing his praises out loud... sure, we look past those things sometimes,
but i think all believers can agree in the obvious miracles apparent in them.

god's laced in poetry and conversations and interactions,
and canceled classes that grant extra time for reflection,
and songs and laughter and flowers that bloom after the frost.
god shows up in little things too.

and he works through flawed people--
which is just one of the most mind-boggling
and loving things he does for us, i think.
every single day i miss opportunities and
say the wrong things and don't convey the love that
i know and that god fills my life with. i sin and am selfish
and feel sorry for myself. but even now, through
my shortcomings and failures and human condition,
he chooses to work through me--

it's like shannon lamb's example of a parent baking cookies with his/her child.

come on liz,
let's bake cookies together.
it doesn't matter that i can do it myself.
it doesn't matter that last time
you got eggshells in the batter,
and put in too much sugar.
and yea, you might mess it up again.
you might spill the batter,
or forget the vanilla,
and you'll most likely leave a mess.
but i can fix it.
and none of that matters,
because i want to do this with you.
i want to see you do it, and help you.

and most of all, i want to hear you say
'i made cookies with my dad today.'
i want to see you smile, and tell your
friends about your awesome father
who helps you make cookies,
and cleans up your messes,
and keeps you safe,
and lets you take chances and grow.



check out mat kearney--all i need.

some other good ones.. where we gonna go from here. nothing left to lose. undeniable. closer to love. won't back down.